Sleep Hygiene 101
a.k.a. Anti-Patriarchal, Anti-Capitalist, Neurodivergent-friendly, Trauma-informed Sleep Hacks
Let’s be real: You can’t regulate your nervous system if you’re sleep-deprived. You can’t process trauma, feel connected, or make aligned choices when your brain is running on cortisol and iced coffee.
But most sleep advice out there? Written by and for cis white men with no cycles, no complex trauma, no anxiety spirals, no kids, and no executive dysfunction.
Fun fact: people with female hormone cycles generally need more sleep than men. But guess who all the “optimal performance” studies were done on? (Yup. Cis men.)
This article isn’t about making you perfect (I certainly am not 😅) — it’s about getting curious about how your unique nervous system winds down, and what it actually needs to feel safe enough to sleep.
So if you're a neurodivergent, trauma-seasoned, emotional over-functioner who feels like bedtime is either a battle or a performance?
You're in the right place, bb. Let’s get you some rest.
Why Sleep Is So Hard When You’ve Got Trauma, Anxiety, or ADHD
If you’ve ever felt personally attacked by the phrase “just go to bed earlier,” you are not alone.
There are a LOT of reasons your nervous system might not feel safe enough to sleep — and none of them mean you're ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’.
Some reasons sleep might be hard for you:
Hypervigilance — your brain’s like, “What if something bad happens?” even when you’re horizontal and safe
Revenge bedtime procrastination — your only alone time = late at night, so you hoard it, even when you're exhausted
Shutdown/avoidant freeze — getting ready for bed = overwhelming sequence of tasks
Racing thoughts — bedtime is when the mask comes off and everything bubbles up
Sleep-time trauma memories — you were unsafe during sleep as a kid, or your body still thinks nighttime = danger
Dysregulated circadian rhythm — especially common in ADHDers and people who work at night
Fear of being “gone” or unconscious — sleep can feel vulnerable or out of control
Sound familiar? You’re not “bad at adulting.” You just have a nervous system that needs support to downshift.
What ‘Sleep Hygiene’ Actually Means
Sleep hygiene gets talked about like it’s just a checklist: no screens, light a candle, stretch, sleep…
But for trauma-impacted, neurodivergent, or chronically dysregulated folks? That ain’t it.
I think of sleep hygiene as training your nervous system to wind down. And like any training, it takes repetition, curiosity, and actually listening to your body.
Especially if you’re neurodivergent, this is sensory-based:
What helps your body slow down?
What makes your environment feel safe + cozy?
What do you need to transition out of stimulation?
This isn’t about checking boxes. It’s about meeting your system where it’s at and creating a vibe that whispers, “you can let go now”
Practical Sleep Advice (That Doesn’t Suck)
This is not a checklist. It’s a menu. Try one, try three, mix n’ match — your nervous system is the expert.
🕯️ Set the vibe
Dim lights at least 1 hour before bed
Use warm bulbs or candles, no overhead lighting
Calming smells (lavender, vetiver, whatever smells like ‘safe’ to you)
Weighted blanket, soft fabrics, cozy socks, yummy sensory stuff
🧠 Wind down your brain
Story-based podcasts or gentle TV (familiar shows, no plot stress)
Music with a slow tempo, ASMR, binaural beats
Journaling to dump brain clutter (bonus if you write to your inner child)
Visualization or body scan (grab one from the Library)
💊 Support your system
Magnesium glycinate, L-theanine, sleepytime teas (check what works for your body!)
Light protein-rich snack 1 hour before bed — especially if you crash hard or wake at 3am
Blue light blockers if screens are non-negotiable
Avoid alcohol (it interrupts sleep cycles)
🧘♀️ Let your body lead
Gentle stretching, rocking, breathwork, shaking it off
Hold your chest or belly, cue safety through touch
‘Tuck in’ your inner child (seriously, do it)
Whisper something sweet to your body, like “We’re safe now. You can rest. I’ve got you.”
Can’t Sleep? Don’t Panic.
Here’s the truth: Sometimes sleep just… doesn’t happen. And lying in bed hating yourself for it only makes it worse.
You don’t have to be unconscious to be resting. If sleep isn’t coming, shift the goal from “I have to fall asleep now” to “I’m creating calm and lowering arousal — and that’s still healing.”
Try this instead:
Fake yawn — seriously, do 6-8 slow fake yawns to stimulate your vagus nerve (you might even cause yourself to actually yawn!)
Slow your thoughts — pretend your mind is a record player and dial it way down
Rock or hum — these movements naturally activate down-regulation
Gentle visualizations — imagine floating, sinking, or curling into a nest
Take a bath/shower — shift state instead of laying there pissed
Boring podcast or ambient sound — no plot, no ads, no stimulation
And if you really can’t settle: Get up, do something chill, and try again later. No punishment. No failure. Just adjustment.
You are not broken because you can’t sleep — you’re learning to create safety, one moment at a time.
💡 Pro Tip:
If you treat bedtime like a task you’re either good or bad at, your body will rebel. But if you treat it like a vibe… something soft and invitational? That’s when your system starts to listen.
Make your wind-down a ritual, not a chore. Let it be something your body actually wants to follow you into.
You’re not trying to force sleep. You’re laying a trail of breadcrumbs into it.
Want more ways to wind your body down?
I’ve got a whole library of mind-body magic waiting for you✨