Integrity 101
a.k.a. The Perfectionist’s Guide to What Really Matters
Integrity is misunderstood. People treat it like some moral checklist — something you either have or you don’t.
But real integrity? It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being in alignment with your values, your needs, and your body.
When you’re living in integrity, things just move better. Your choices feel clearer. Your body feels calmer. You sleep a little easier. You’re not constantly editing yourself to fit other people’s expectations.
When you’re out of integrity? You might feel guilty, resentful, anxious, or numb. But it’s not just emotional — your body knows, too! Tight jaw. Clenched gut. Chronic tension. Restlessness. It’s not always about stress — sometimes it’s about self-betrayal.
This article is about recognizing what alignment feels like — and learning how to come back to it when life (or your trauma responses) pull you out of center.
Because integrity isn’t about never messing up. It’s about knowing when you’ve strayed from what matters… and having the courage to return.
What is Integrity, exactly?
Integrity isn’t about being a “good person.” It’s not about being consistent all the time. And it sure as hell isn’t about being perfect.
Integrity is alignment. It’s the state of being congruent — where your values, actions, words, and body are working with each other instead of against each other.
In bodywork, we talk about structural integrity — when your bones and tissues are stacked well, movement feels smoother and more supported.
In life, personal integrity works the same way — when your choices align with your values and your truth, things feel clearer. You don’t have to hustle for harmony. You are harmony.
Integrity is when your “yes” actually means yes. When your “no” doesn’t come with three paragraphs of justification. When you don’t have to contort your body or your personality to feel safe.
It’s not about never messing up — it’s about not abandoning yourself in the process.
How to Tell When You’re Out of Integrity (And Trust When You’re Aligned)
You don’t always know when you’re out of alignment — but your body does.
It might not show up as a dramatic “wrong choice.” It might just feel… off. Like you’re going through the motions. Like your life looks okay from the outside, but something’s missing underneath.
When that feeling shows up, don’t dismiss it. Don’t logic it away or gaslight yourself into performing. Treat it like the valuable feedback it is.
🧠 Emotional + Behavioral Symptoms:
- You say yes when you mean no — and feel bitter about it later
- You start over-explaining, over-performing, or editing yourself to feel safe
- You feel disconnected from your words, your wants, or your voice
- You keep trying to “do the right thing,” but feel like you’re betraying yourself to get there
- You second-guess yourself only when other people disapprove
🫀 Physical Symptoms:
- Tight chest, throat, jaw, gut
- Shallow or frozen breath
- Digestive flares (nausea, bloating, constipation, urgency)
- Chronic tension or pain with no clear “cause”
- Fatigue that feels more emotional than physical
Sometimes it’s subtle. Sometimes it’s screaming. But when your body and emotions are waving the flag, the invitation isn’t just to notice — it’s to trust yourself.
When you know you’re acting in alignment with your values and needs, you don’t have to defend yourself. You don’t have to over-explain. You don’t need everyone to agree. You just have to have your own back. That’s integrity, baby.
How to Repair When You’ve Been Out of Integrity
Everyone slips out of alignment sometimes. That doesn’t make you fake, flaky, or wrong — it makes you human.
The magic isn’t in never messing up. It’s in knowing how to come back.
👄 Name it — gently
Notice the tension. The guilt. The resentment. The discomfort.
Instead of judging yourself, try asking:What value or need wasn’t honored here?
What was I trying to protect by stepping out of alignment?
What might I do differently next time, if I felt safe to be real?
🤲 Repair with Compassion
You don’t need to make a big performance out of it. Just choose a small act of realignment — even if it’s private. That might look like:
- Saying, “Hey, I wasn’t fully honest earlier. Here’s what’s true for me.”
- Setting a boundary you previously overrode
- Shifting your behavior without shaming yourself for the past
- Apologizing — not for having needs, but for abandoning them
🌀 Practice returning
Integrity isn’t a fixed trait. It’s a practice — a rhythm. The point isn’t to live in perfect alignment every second. It’s to keep coming back.
The more you return to yourself, the less tolerance you’ll have for living out of sync. And that’s a good thing.
Integrity Is a Practice, Not a Personality Trait
You’re not born with integrity. You don’t earn it by being 'good enough. You build it, one honest moment at a time.
Some days, you’ll feel solid and self-assured. Other days, you’ll realize you’ve slipped into old patterns — pleasing, performing, over-acheiving, avoiding.
That’s not failure. That’s the invitation. Integrity isn’t about being in perfect alignment all the time. It’s about noticing when you’re off track and choosing to come back.
It’s the pause before the automatic “yes.” It’s the moment you catch yourself people-pleasing and decide not to. It’s the breath you take before speaking… and the choice to say what’s true.
And with every small act of alignment, you build self-trust. The kind that lasts. The kind that lets you rest at night knowing, “I showed up in a way that felt like me.”
💡Pro Tip:
You’re not here to perform goodness. You’re here to be the you-est you possible.
Integrity isn’t about how you look — it’s about how it feels to live with yourself when no one’s watching.
So if something feels off, trust it. If your body tightens, listen. If you’re proud of how you showed up — even when others didn’t get it? That’s alignment.
Not everyone will approve. But if your inner compass says yes? That’s enough.
Want more ways to be your you-est you?
I’ve got a whole library of mind-body magic waiting for you✨